In Charge of Bananas

in charge of bananas is Jerome's blog which sports even MORE Alabama stories. so if my little rendition hasn't been enough, I'd invite you to link to his for the bonus round.

www.inchargeofbananas.blogspot.com

Alabama Cycling Camp entry 14: Fin

At LAST! I've made it to the end of base training for 2007. Look out world!

Today we were treated to weather that was almost as good as yesterday's. I got a little fooled and was a slightly chilled for the first little while in just my shorts and jersey, but the sun caught up and it was all good. We stayed in one big group today instead of splitting off. I rode for four hours and then decided that the extra hour and a half back to Ramer (as opposed to getting in the parked support van) was going to do nothing to improve my season, so I put my aching shoulders and legs into the van and got home early for first dibs on showers and lunch.

That was the upside--the downside was that I missed the group sprint for the Ramer town limits. This is fine though because it would have probably been bad for my moral. The way I'm told it went down is like so: three guys jumped the group at an intersection while the others were forced to wait for a passing car. Just when they thought they couldn't make it to close the gap, the eventual winner gave chase and closed their 300 metre lead reaching a heartrate of 205 and top speed of 65km/h. So, i have of course been telling everyone that I can do that too, I just don't want to. just goes to show though: cheaters never win and winners never cheat. It made for good stories at lunch at least.

So camp is over. all that's left for me to do is put the bike in the travel box, throw my stuff in my suitcase and wait for departure tomorrow morning. This might SHOCK you, but I'm really ready to head home. My legs gave out yesterday and complained all day today. Not a great feeling, but I am pleasantly surprised at how long it took for the miles to catch up. I'm not sure what the final score is, but it doesn't really matter anyway. i don't think the girls I line up against have had the same kind of advantage.

Tomorrow morning I'll have to say goodbye to all my good friends here. there maybe be tears .... of joy from them. There are a few people here who are actually displaying signs they may be afraid of me. this amuses me. Anyway, it will be nice to get back to toronto and train with athletes as opposed to the tourists we ended up with here. you can't "buy" speed. Just because you have the fanciest equipment, or the newest model bike does not mean you are going to get out there and kick ass. A Powertap doesn't make you powerful.

anyway, I've learned a lot about tolerance, and what I lack in that department. It will be nice to get back to work (did I just say that?!)

So goodbye Alabama. Thanks for the ups and downs (both in elevation and temperature) and here's hoping for my best season yet.

Cheers.

Alabama Cycling Camp -- another update

Alabama Cycling Camp entry 13: Flanders strike again
5:22pm Wednesday, Feb 21

Today we had a gruelling ride that went from bad to worse. It was raining steadily the entire way which makes things ugly in a variety of ways. Number one, it is wet. Number two, the bike in front of you sprays water and grime from the road right into your mouth. Number three, it only takes about an hour for the shivering to start when you are soaked to the bone. We rode for three. Today, the Flanders pulled out all the stops and after making me gag at breakfast over their couply banter, pulled out a tandem for use on the ride. How much more cliche can you get??!! A bicycle built for two. aww. Ned was pretty proud of the thing and explained to anyone who would listen (or at least not walk away) that he built the thing himself yadda yadda yadda (i walked away).

Alabama Cycling Camp entry 14: it all comes together
3:41pm Today

At last, the perfect day at Cycling camp. I am so pleased with the ride and the weather...I was in jersey and shorts and still too hot. I was eating and drinking properly so I never ran out of gas on the ride and finished with lots left in the tank even though we had been out for four and a half hours. We split into two equal sized groups of 8 today instead of the huge chaotic train we've been dealing with since the new camp began. MUCH better, huge improvement. I even had an ice cream cone at a rest stop. Once, we rode by this place with horses in the field. I called out to a pretty white one and he took a shine to me and ran along beside while I cheered him on. He ran with me for the entire length of his fence and he even jumped over a fallen tree. I think he likes me. We also see a lot of cows on the wrong side of the fence but I don't encourage them to run along with us. I can't believe the change from yesterday to today! It is like another planet! Tomorrow is my last ride and i am hoping it measures up to today's. I'm sure not sticking around the library much longer--time to find a sunny spot on the deck and get into a book.

Alabama Cycling Camp: Update

Alabama Cycling camp entry 8: The Cursed Flanders
There is this couple here who I think I've mentioned, that I've nicknamed the Flanders. They drive me nuts. I am actually beyond the point of irritated and have entered the realm of "off-my-rocker". here are few of my favourite moments:
1) every morning, I say to Mr. Flanders "good-morningly-doo!" ...and he doesn't get it.
2) Mr. Flanders likes words and to mess with double entendres. maybe they're puns but I'm always afraid to label something a pun in case the pungents (www.pungents.com) are looking in. it is actually a difficult concept for me. My favourites:
a) [to the group of us getting ready for a ride, inflating our tires] "looks like everyone is pumped up to ride!"
b) [every morning we have waffels for breakfast made in the famous waffel makers that self destruct if you forget to spray with pam (beside the point)] Flanders: "I don't think I got enough for breakfast...I'm still waffeling"
c) [there is this one moron here who gets under my skin more than anyone else and I will get to him later, but he has this stunt he pulls in that he puts the entire oversize jug of aunt jemima into the microwave in order to warm the syrup--nothing has brought out my rage more poignantly than this move] Flanders in reaction to my shrieks of "THIS IS NOT A FRAT HOUSE": "I guess you should have tried it more "syrup-titiously"".
3) there are men in my room and I have to wait my turn to get dressed in the morning or run between the bathroom and my suitcase gathering what I need to get ready to ride. This is because the Flanders refuse to be seperated and insist on sleeping on their beds pushed together. Thus making a "girls room" impossible. They share their room with another couple which makes me wonder "what is the point?!" unless they are kinky.
4) Mrs Flanders is passive aggressive. She speaks slowly in a sing song voice that makes me want to punch her.

that is all on the flanders.

Alabama Cycling Camp entry 9: Frat boy
Frat boy is actually a man who should know better. In my previous entry, I related briefly the story of his abuse of Aunt Jemima. In case you do not know, putting anything plastic (ie tupperware, leftover containers and syrup containers) in the microwave serves to release dioxins into the food within. Maybe this is a myth, but maybe not. So Frat boy likes his syrup warm.

I should preface this with a visual. Our breakfast nook is well stocked with all kinds of mugs and bowls. And if it isn't there, you need only ask and it will arrive magically from the kitchen. Instead of pouring what he needs into a mug, he opts to shove the entire three litre jug into the tiny microwave. It doesn't fit and syrup spills over onto the turn-table. The plasitc jug is not MEANT to be in a microwave, dioxins or not, and it comes out with considerably less integrity than when it went in. in my mind, the syrups is poisoned and wasted. I can't help myself. I shriek at him "THIS IS NOT A FRAT HOUSE" as Renee and Michelle literally wrestle the thing away from him politely asking him NOT to do that.

Can you believe it? the next morning, he repeats the same idiotic stunt.

he also overflowed the waffel maker with batter and made a huge mess there too.

Then, one day after our ride, he came in and gave Michelle a hard time treating her no better than a waitress demanding there be afternoon coffee made. she was quite taken aback. you see, this camp is not a four star hotel. you pay $80/day and get three full meals, guided rides and a bed for the night. you also get laundry and coaching. However, the side effect is you also get the cyclists who apparently can't afford to go anywhere else (like yours truly). This results in the hit and miss mix of people I've been describing.

Anyway, he goes off on some tirade that coffee only costs $0.70 a pot and WHY isn't Michelle making it for him yet?? She doesn't take it well and tells him he'd better get his own damn coffee AND cups because she is not going to wash them for him either. And he does, but only the next day because on Sundays, Alabama is closed.

From then on, we called him Coffee guy. She confronted him about it on the ride, explaining to him that she felt he was rude to her and imparting on him that she hopes in future, they get along better....and he went back to his "it only costs $0.70 to make" argument. It isn't about the money, moron.

I don't even know his name. I didn't bother to learn.

Today, he helped himself to Jerome's toolbox. Jerome's toolbox is JEROME'S TOOLBOX so imagine my surprise when I see it dismembered all over the porch. I have known Jerome for a long time, and this is the first time I have seen him even come close to losing it.

I warned frat boy what was coming, asking him whether or not he had Jerome's permission. he said he'd sorted it out on the ride, but I had heard the conversation and that is NOT the impression I got. when I tried to warn him, he actually mam'd me and basically told me to take a hike. Then Jerome walked in, saw his stuff strewn all over the place, and frat boy wound up with is tail between his legs.

and that is all I have to say about Frat boy. But I'm sure he'll provide more tooth-grinding stories before the week is out.

Oh, he also snores so loud I can hear him in my room next door.

Alabama Cycling Camp entry 10: I don't want to ride with you if:
1) You think a training ride is a race.
2) You can't keep a steady pace that requires the group behind you to surge forward then brake hard risking crossed wheels and collisions
3) you talk to me and look at me at the same time instead of the wheel in front of you
4) you don't carry enough foor and water for yourself
5) you don't carry the makings for a tube replacement
6) you think that grinding big gears makes you a better rider
7) in a group of 20, you ride in a way that stretches out the group so that no car can hope to pass all of us safely in under 4 seconds
8) you run your mouth
9) you YELL all the things you wish to communicate instead of using your hands quietly like civilized cyclists (sorry if this doesn't make sense to non-cyclists)
10) you just stop for whatever reason whenever you want and disrupt the group
11) you create a third file in a double file group, riding on the middle lane and potentially creating a situation in which I may actually have to witness your death (even if I am hoping for it).

Alabama Cycling Camp entry 11: I'm actually okay
I know from my postings that it may sound like I've morphed into my ugly evil self, the hateful bitch. Which I do admit has occassionaly been the case. Rage does tend to slow boil...and then the inevitable. So I thought I would write a note about what I do enjoy about Camp.

1) The miles. I have lots and lots and my legs are feeling amazing. I have done all my rides within my targeted zones and know that I will be reaping the benefits come race season
2) It is so nice to spend time with Aldo and Renee who I respect immensely and also have a certain amount of sympathy for since I know running the camp when it is this full is not an easy job. And it is full for the next two months!
3) There are only a few other things I find more soothing than cleaning my bike. It is REALLY clean right now. hint hint.
4) I have read some really beautiful stories picked out by Mr. Beatty (they include Testament by Nino Ricci, the History of Love by Nicole Strauss and The Time Traveller's Wife. I can't remember how to spell the author's name, so google it because it is so far my favourte)
5) The weather has improved immensely and today I rode in just shorts and a jersey which were lovingly selected by my sister in australia. Even my gloves came courtesy of Kim.
6) Did I mention the miles?
7) I don't have to go to work!!!
8) I am excited to go back to work because now that I've had a few days to slow down, I realize I am in a pretty awesome place at the moment. Everything is clicking.
9) I get to sleep more than 9 hours every night
10) someone else does all the cooking and cleaning

So worry not! These posts serve as a great way to vent and I thank you for listening. Cheers!

Alabama Cycling Camp, entry 6 and 7

Little Red's

so last night, since it was the last for Steve and Peter, we decided to make it special and head to Little Red's -- THE local restaurant. They serve an all-you-can-eat buffet for $7 which includes sweet tea and a slice of pecan pie. Everything is swimming in grease. there is fried chicken that is REALLY good, but really sinful. There is black eyed peas, deep fried corn bread, potato salad, baked chicken, pork with bbq sauce and all kinds of other delicacies. when we arrived the staff picked us out immediately as being from out of town (i don't know how? the snap happy cameras? the Michigan accents? the Canadian ehs?) and we became sort of an event. they kept bringing stuff to our table for us to try in the southern way as they explained. anyway, last night i seriously considered bulimic tendencies because of the guilt and the belief that a good woof would be the only thing to make me feel better. i felt slippery and slimy from my tongue all the way down to my stomach. makes me want to barf now. anyway, now that that's out of the way, it is time to start on week two!

New Camp, New Crazy!

I can't believe how many people are here today. Saturday is camp change over day so out with last weeks campers and in with the new weeks campers. Those of us staying for two have to bridge the transition. this year, most of the new campers are crazy in that way that many cyclists are. They have already got under my skin and i never feel like starting a fight more than when i am trying to get my head around the social experiment that IS Alabama Cycling Camp. There is one couple here, who I have nicknamed the Flanders. They insist on pushing their beds together despite the fact there are two others in their room. there is another guy here proud of a Lance Armstrong tattoo he has permanently adorned his calf with. his ENTIRE calf. there are the usual hammer heads here to make everyone nuts on rides with their total disregard for simply rules like stay in double file and do not sprint up hills. there are a bunch of Canadians here as well but they have so far remained quiet. i suppose i would also be considered crazy in my own way too so perhaps i should cut some slack. but the way i see it, there are some here to make friends, and there are some here to get their miles. I'm part of the latter group and it is obvious who is part of the former. Aldo does an amazing job of reigning everyone in and making sure we all get what we came for. one week to go!

Alabama Cycling Camp -- entry 5 - BAD DAY

so this morning started out okay. I promised myself yesterday that if it was cold again today i wasn't going to out. I set 3C as my lower limit. It was right on three and although i still didn't feel like I wanted to go out, i made the mistake of giving in and going out anyway. It took an hour before I hated everything there is to hate about cycling. I hated the way the water tasted after picking up the flavour of a plastic bottle. I hated the way my gloves were too thick to get into my pocket for some food. I hated the way the road was too rough. the way my temperature could never just be right. I even hated the other riders at various times. I wasn't fit for anything and really just wanted to throw my bike into the ditch. i imagined it for hours.

anyway, it all sounds very dramatic I'm sure, but it wasn't all bad. We had some early arrivers from the next camp last night and today. I missed the arrivals again last night because i went to bed pretty early. so this morning, i had three new names to learn. Wayne, Terri....and....well I guess I didn't know so well on the third. Terri and the other guy didn't ride with us and went immediately to work on building a deck outside the back. They drove here through the night and haven't slept yet. this worries me. I just overheard Terri trying to convince Aldo that base miles are a waste of time and that you should just be pushing hard all the time....what?!

so now we're back. I was too lazy to walk "all the way to the library" so i'm sitting on the couch by the fire. we had corn chowder for lunch. 60 miles on the bike. later, I think Michelle and I are going to try out some treasure from Big C's (if I can convince her to get off the couch as well). As we were both hurting today, we are deserving of a treat. I'd say the same thing if we rode like champs, so don't question my logic. You'll give yourself a headache.

Let's here some updates from home!

Cheers!

Alabama Cycling Camp -- The story so far

So I've been in the south at Alabama Cycling Camp since Saturday after a particularly gruelling journey. too far on too little sleep. Things have been so far so good, but I would jack up the temperature a little if I had a choice! I have kept a log of sorts which I will cut and past below for your viewing pleasure!

Entry 1: I'M JUST AS GUILTY
Training for cycling has changed over the past ten or fifteen years, so I'm told. there used to be a thing called etiquette. Even if you were a junior riding on a long country ride with a bunch of pros, the chances of you getting dropped were slim to nil. Now, it seems the object of the game is to see how many people you can drop, especially if they are new to the sport. How that translates at Alabama Cycling Camp this week, and the fact that it translates at all, is a source of great frustration for me. And as the title of this note suggests, I am JUST AS GUILTY. for those non-cylcists, perhaps I should explain the term "dropped". In cycling, we ride in a group. usually we ride in a line in pairs of two. This way, only two cyclists at a time are forced to ride into the wind. They are said to be pulling, because the rest of us are literally pulled along in the slipstream of the cyclist in front of you. Riding in this way allows you to cover more ground at a higher speed because you are working together. Getting dropped then is when the speed of the lead cyclists gets too high to keep up with, despite being sucked along their slipstream. in an instant, you lose contact with their back wheel (meaning you drift too far back to get the suck) and then it is as though you too are riding into the wind. This tires you out fast and you can either fall off completely and ride alone, or else you are forced to spend a bunch of energy working to get back on. THIS SHOULD NOT BE HAPPENING at a camp where we're all just doing base miles. we should not be getting back to camp feeling like we left it all out on the road. But what happens is the famous pissing match I alluded to in a previous post. No one wants to be the one to say "my heartrate is too high--back it off" or "i'm hurting at this pace, let's slow it down". Hence, the vicious cycle. the most frustrating thing is that afterwards, at lunch or stretching, if you mention it, everyone will agree but no one will take responsibility. and as I said, I am just as guilty. It is the competitive drive that makes us into racers that makes us into horrible trainers. For crying out loud, today i was pushing gears in my big ring!! that is BAD because at this time of year, for the sake of your legs and your capillaries and your joints, the bike should feel like it doesn't have a chain on it at all. Use your finger to save your legs! as aldo says. I have been a very bad girl and aldo had it out with me today about it so that's it. From now on I promise to do my best and do my duty. now onto more interesting things....

Entry 2: the Weather
Last year, when I was down in Alabama I must have been spoiled. every day it was perfect cycling temperature (about 17C) and the sun was out. Last night I went to bed fearing I would be blown off to Oz by the tornadoes threatening to blow away Aldo's 100 year old house! On top of the church next door there are sirens that go off simultaneously with the ones in Montgomery to alert the county of tornadoes. they went off three times last night. off in the distance, the night sky was ablaze with the wildest lightening I've ever seen. It went up down and across and was constant. You could see the clouds swirling around when they were lit up. The men of course all pretended to be macho while Michelle and I scurried around getting our shoes on just in case we had to run across the yard to the only basement in the county: the church next door. Big C told us that afternoon that once the sirens go, you've got only three minutes to make it to safety lest you get a one-way-ticket to the Emerald City. the thunder started up and the rains too and this morning we woke up to temperatures at almost freezing. we suited up and went for a ride anyway and everyone was in awful moods. that's what happens when your feet turn into clubs and your fingers and hands are aching. All I could think about was "why am I out here doing this to myself?" But then we stopped at subway and had a sub and I felt better. The sun came out for the ride home at least so it wasn't all bad. 65 miles today to add to the total.

entry 3: Who let the dogs out?
Sorry for the campy title, but seriously: if one more yappy half-wild mongrel attacks my ankle, I am going LOSE IT. One got a little too close today and coach Aldo only convinced him to abort mission by squirting gatorade in his eyeball. It seems most people in Alabama have a mutt or two. If not a half-breed then a full fledged pitbull. I don't know what it is about a pack of lycra clad cyclists spinning by that can rouse even the laziest dog from where he lies, but it never fails. Maybe there is a high-pitched sound associated with spinning gears? Maybe they hate lycra? maybe we don't get special treatment at all and they in fact chase any old thing? As a pet owner though I have to say I don't understand how people can let their chase-happy dogs just roam free. I mean we ARE riding around on the roads which do occasionally have cars on them as well. Not that a pack of cyclists poses no threat either. Last year, a fellow camper Ed ran over a nice Weinheimer. The thing took a chain ring to the gut and was off running in the other direction yelping all the way. Lucky us, his owner was actually at the end of the driveway getting the mail and saw the whole thing. she wasn't even upset. that attitude seems apparent in most places around here. I have seen two or three dead dogs hit by cars just lying in the ditch. I mean, these are peoples' pets! How can they just leave them there for the turkey vultures? Actually it is the same with all roadkill around here. I can't tell you how nice it is to ride by a fresh deer carcass and take in a big oxygen depraved breath of DEATH smell. anyway, in our own neighbourhood there is a pack of dogs as well. I can't figure out which goes with which house, but the one across the street is home to a couple anyway. I saw the owner kick one the other day just because it wanted to come in and was whining about it. When it wouldn't stop whining, she came out with a shotgun and told it "i'll shoot you". It sulked away. the things you witness reading on the porch!!

Entry 4: aren't we in the south?!
The worst ride of my life was about this time two years ago while I was living in the Netherlands. I was new to the area so I didn't want to risk getting lost. I settled on just doing an "out-and-back" style ride. I only had my mountain bike with me, but rode on the road. I went 25km out to a town in Belgium. The weather was warmish, or at least I was dressed properly. I had lots of food and water. Then all of a sudden, it started to rain. The temperature dropped and it turned to snow. My feet turned to clubs and my chainrings iced over leaving me with useless gearing. My water leaked and as I was wearing a camel-back, i had to ditch it or else freeze to death. By the time I got back to where I was staying, I was in tears for the pain and I couldn't walk. It took an hour in the shower before I felt human again, and for the next 24 hours I had a persistent chill. yesterday was the third worst ride of my life. Today the second. It is FREEZING! and we went far -- another 70 miles today. My blood must have frozen in my veins because I couldn't get my heartrate up any more at one point. I even bonked, lucky me. Bonk is that awful feeling of "running on fumes only". Your body literally runs out of fuel and just starts to shut down. It has been a long time since I was that overjoyed to be home again!! at least I didn't cry....Tomorrow, Renee and I are going shopping. Screw this