Alabama Cycling Camp: Update

Alabama Cycling camp entry 8: The Cursed Flanders
There is this couple here who I think I've mentioned, that I've nicknamed the Flanders. They drive me nuts. I am actually beyond the point of irritated and have entered the realm of "off-my-rocker". here are few of my favourite moments:
1) every morning, I say to Mr. Flanders "good-morningly-doo!" ...and he doesn't get it.
2) Mr. Flanders likes words and to mess with double entendres. maybe they're puns but I'm always afraid to label something a pun in case the pungents (www.pungents.com) are looking in. it is actually a difficult concept for me. My favourites:
a) [to the group of us getting ready for a ride, inflating our tires] "looks like everyone is pumped up to ride!"
b) [every morning we have waffels for breakfast made in the famous waffel makers that self destruct if you forget to spray with pam (beside the point)] Flanders: "I don't think I got enough for breakfast...I'm still waffeling"
c) [there is this one moron here who gets under my skin more than anyone else and I will get to him later, but he has this stunt he pulls in that he puts the entire oversize jug of aunt jemima into the microwave in order to warm the syrup--nothing has brought out my rage more poignantly than this move] Flanders in reaction to my shrieks of "THIS IS NOT A FRAT HOUSE": "I guess you should have tried it more "syrup-titiously"".
3) there are men in my room and I have to wait my turn to get dressed in the morning or run between the bathroom and my suitcase gathering what I need to get ready to ride. This is because the Flanders refuse to be seperated and insist on sleeping on their beds pushed together. Thus making a "girls room" impossible. They share their room with another couple which makes me wonder "what is the point?!" unless they are kinky.
4) Mrs Flanders is passive aggressive. She speaks slowly in a sing song voice that makes me want to punch her.

that is all on the flanders.

Alabama Cycling Camp entry 9: Frat boy
Frat boy is actually a man who should know better. In my previous entry, I related briefly the story of his abuse of Aunt Jemima. In case you do not know, putting anything plastic (ie tupperware, leftover containers and syrup containers) in the microwave serves to release dioxins into the food within. Maybe this is a myth, but maybe not. So Frat boy likes his syrup warm.

I should preface this with a visual. Our breakfast nook is well stocked with all kinds of mugs and bowls. And if it isn't there, you need only ask and it will arrive magically from the kitchen. Instead of pouring what he needs into a mug, he opts to shove the entire three litre jug into the tiny microwave. It doesn't fit and syrup spills over onto the turn-table. The plasitc jug is not MEANT to be in a microwave, dioxins or not, and it comes out with considerably less integrity than when it went in. in my mind, the syrups is poisoned and wasted. I can't help myself. I shriek at him "THIS IS NOT A FRAT HOUSE" as Renee and Michelle literally wrestle the thing away from him politely asking him NOT to do that.

Can you believe it? the next morning, he repeats the same idiotic stunt.

he also overflowed the waffel maker with batter and made a huge mess there too.

Then, one day after our ride, he came in and gave Michelle a hard time treating her no better than a waitress demanding there be afternoon coffee made. she was quite taken aback. you see, this camp is not a four star hotel. you pay $80/day and get three full meals, guided rides and a bed for the night. you also get laundry and coaching. However, the side effect is you also get the cyclists who apparently can't afford to go anywhere else (like yours truly). This results in the hit and miss mix of people I've been describing.

Anyway, he goes off on some tirade that coffee only costs $0.70 a pot and WHY isn't Michelle making it for him yet?? She doesn't take it well and tells him he'd better get his own damn coffee AND cups because she is not going to wash them for him either. And he does, but only the next day because on Sundays, Alabama is closed.

From then on, we called him Coffee guy. She confronted him about it on the ride, explaining to him that she felt he was rude to her and imparting on him that she hopes in future, they get along better....and he went back to his "it only costs $0.70 to make" argument. It isn't about the money, moron.

I don't even know his name. I didn't bother to learn.

Today, he helped himself to Jerome's toolbox. Jerome's toolbox is JEROME'S TOOLBOX so imagine my surprise when I see it dismembered all over the porch. I have known Jerome for a long time, and this is the first time I have seen him even come close to losing it.

I warned frat boy what was coming, asking him whether or not he had Jerome's permission. he said he'd sorted it out on the ride, but I had heard the conversation and that is NOT the impression I got. when I tried to warn him, he actually mam'd me and basically told me to take a hike. Then Jerome walked in, saw his stuff strewn all over the place, and frat boy wound up with is tail between his legs.

and that is all I have to say about Frat boy. But I'm sure he'll provide more tooth-grinding stories before the week is out.

Oh, he also snores so loud I can hear him in my room next door.

Alabama Cycling Camp entry 10: I don't want to ride with you if:
1) You think a training ride is a race.
2) You can't keep a steady pace that requires the group behind you to surge forward then brake hard risking crossed wheels and collisions
3) you talk to me and look at me at the same time instead of the wheel in front of you
4) you don't carry enough foor and water for yourself
5) you don't carry the makings for a tube replacement
6) you think that grinding big gears makes you a better rider
7) in a group of 20, you ride in a way that stretches out the group so that no car can hope to pass all of us safely in under 4 seconds
8) you run your mouth
9) you YELL all the things you wish to communicate instead of using your hands quietly like civilized cyclists (sorry if this doesn't make sense to non-cyclists)
10) you just stop for whatever reason whenever you want and disrupt the group
11) you create a third file in a double file group, riding on the middle lane and potentially creating a situation in which I may actually have to witness your death (even if I am hoping for it).

Alabama Cycling Camp entry 11: I'm actually okay
I know from my postings that it may sound like I've morphed into my ugly evil self, the hateful bitch. Which I do admit has occassionaly been the case. Rage does tend to slow boil...and then the inevitable. So I thought I would write a note about what I do enjoy about Camp.

1) The miles. I have lots and lots and my legs are feeling amazing. I have done all my rides within my targeted zones and know that I will be reaping the benefits come race season
2) It is so nice to spend time with Aldo and Renee who I respect immensely and also have a certain amount of sympathy for since I know running the camp when it is this full is not an easy job. And it is full for the next two months!
3) There are only a few other things I find more soothing than cleaning my bike. It is REALLY clean right now. hint hint.
4) I have read some really beautiful stories picked out by Mr. Beatty (they include Testament by Nino Ricci, the History of Love by Nicole Strauss and The Time Traveller's Wife. I can't remember how to spell the author's name, so google it because it is so far my favourte)
5) The weather has improved immensely and today I rode in just shorts and a jersey which were lovingly selected by my sister in australia. Even my gloves came courtesy of Kim.
6) Did I mention the miles?
7) I don't have to go to work!!!
8) I am excited to go back to work because now that I've had a few days to slow down, I realize I am in a pretty awesome place at the moment. Everything is clicking.
9) I get to sleep more than 9 hours every night
10) someone else does all the cooking and cleaning

So worry not! These posts serve as a great way to vent and I thank you for listening. Cheers!